Church Ladies

Sometime in August my wife and I had a very interesting conversation by the kitchen table. She asked for my opinion on the scriptural provisions for women’s conduct in the church and I decided to record it, so others could also benefit. Here is the transcript (at least the part I was able to capture):

"What is the place of women in the Christian faith?"

That's the essence of your question, I believe. On a more practical level, it might be phrased as: How do women manage the different pressures of life and actively avoid being sidelined in the church?

This is a powerful question and one that deserves a full teaching. Many topics within the Christian faith need more discussion, and this is certainly one of them. I’ll give you both a short and a medium-length answer.

The Short Answer:

Everyone should find contentment in their station in life and maximise the opportunities within that station to please God. I realise that's a loaded statement, so let me unpack it. Apostle Paul addresses this idea when he says, “Were you called as a Jew? Do not seek to become a Gentile. Were you called as uncircumcised? Don’t seek circumcision.” Paul also says, “If you were called as a master, don’t seek to become a servant; if you were called as a servant, don’t seek to become a master.” (1 Corinthians 7:17-24). This is an analogy, emphasising that, upon becoming Christians, people should not feel pressured to change their social status or position to gain salvation.

You might wonder why he’d say this about slaves, not seeking freedom, for example. Paul isn’t saying that freedom is unimportant. His point is that we don’t need to change our earthly position to experience the benefits of salvation. The Gentiles at that time were being pressured to follow Jewish customs to feel part of the church, and Paul was emphasising that salvation is accessible to everyone, regardless of their station in life. Whether you’re Jew or Gentile, rich or poor, male or female, salvation is equally available.

Foundationally, Paul stresses that there’s no distinction between the sexes; all have been called to equality in Christ. Just as men are spiritually blessed, so are women. Both should be equally nourished, equipped, and empowered to do the work of the gospel. While roles within the church may differ, the starting point is that men and women share equal spiritual standing—no superiority on either side.

Now, practically speaking, how do we ensure women aren’t sidelined in the church? Often, administrative and behind-the-scenes tasks fall disproportionately to women. I believe this is an area where leadership needs to make a deliberate effort to ensure women’s spiritual needs aren’t overlooked. Men in leadership should rise up, support, and create space for women to engage in the deeper spiritual aspects of faith, just as Jesus highlighted in the story of Mary and Martha.

In that instance, Jesus tells Martha, “Martha, Martha, you are concerned with many things.” He wasn’t chastising her as much as pointing out that an arrangement was needed to enable her to benefit spiritually as well.

Throughout Jesus’ ministry, women played significant roles. For instance, at the resurrection of Jesus, a woman was the first to see Him and share the news. Even in the ministry of the apostles, when Paul had the vision of a man calling him to Macedonia, he went, expecting to meet a man. But when he arrived, it was a woman—Lydia—who played a pivotal role in helping him (Acts 16:9; 14-15). This example highlights the significant contributions of women throughout the history of the early church.

So, going back to what I mentioned before: there needs to be intentional, top-down action within the church to ensure that women aren't sidelined and have ample opportunity to experience the fullness of God's purpose for their lives. That’s the first thing.

The second part is about a bottom-up approach, which you mentioned—taking personal responsibility. Just as men are encouraged to grow spiritually, every woman should actively pursue her own spiritual journey. This means positioning oneself to hear God’s word, meditating on it, and serving in God’s house. This doesn't come through rebellion or simply pushing for roles, but by sometimes needing to say "no" to tasks that would take them away from those opportunities to learn and grow spiritually.

For example, when there’s a prayer meeting, it shouldn't be expected that women are occupied with back-office duties or food preparation instead of joining in the worship and study. In fact, when these kinds of arrangements are necessary, the back-office work should ideally be completed before the word is shared so that everyone can participate fully.

This reminds me of traditional family dynamics I’ve observed, where, growing up, you’d often see the father engaging with guests in the sitting room while the mother was in the kitchen, preparing meals, and only joining in when something deemed to be "highly important" was discussed. At events like weddings, for example, the women often get so consumed with organising, preparing food, and making sure everyone’s comfortable that they’re unable to actually enjoy the moment. It can be stressful and leaves little room for spiritual or emotional engagement.

It’s important to acknowledge that not every family or culture operates this way, and thankfully, some men actively support their wives to make room for that spiritual growth, offering to take on more of the physical or organisational work.

Now, taking this further, let’s consider the cultural dimensions of this conversation. Much of Western and Christian thought stems from Jewish traditions, where there is often an emphasis on the male role. In Jewish culture, for instance, women were not always counted; in some Biblical accounts, like in the feeding of the five thousand, they might say “five thousand men, plus women and children.” Women’s voices were traditionally less emphasised in public forums.

Scripture also contains difficult texts—take, for example, the one saying, “Let your women keep silent in the church,” adding that if a woman has questions, she should ask her husband at home. In a culture where women didn’t often engage publicly, these instructions reflected societal norms more than outright silencing.

The Jewish tradition recognises that Adam was made first, and when he fell, it was due in part to the influence of Eve. In Genesis 3, the curse includes a dynamic: "Your desire shall be toward your husband, and he shall rule over you." This setup was a part of the fallen order, yet God’s redemptive work through Christ calls us to unity and equality in Him, which is something we’re still learning to walk out fully.

The idea of men ruling over women originates from Genesis 3, where part of the fall’s curse was that “your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” This set a cultural tone that men would have the authority, and it was reflected in the society and scriptures of the time. This doesn’t undermine the divine inspiration of scripture, but it offers context for interpreting these passages.

It’s essential to understand that all scripture is inspired, meaning that God had a purpose for why certain things were recorded. For example, the Bible includes many accounts that are descriptive and not prescriptive, like the story of a man who killed his wife, dismembered her, and sent her remains to different tribes. When we read such passages, the first step is to acknowledge that God wanted this to be written for a reason. Then, we ask, “What does God want us to take from this?” and “How does this apply to us today?”

God shows us, through these records, the depth of humanity’s brokenness and the ways people, despite their efforts, continually fail without Him. By the time we reach the New Testament, we see God’s solution—His answer to humanity’s sinfulness in Jesus Christ. In Jesus’ ministry, He did not rebel against Jewish cultural norms; He stated clearly that He hadn’t come to abolish the law but to fulfil it. He operated within cultural contexts but always aligned with God’s will.

Likewise, the apostles, while working within their cultural confines, left teachings that guide us to function within our contexts today. This doesn’t mean we mimic the cultural practices of the time, but rather that we apply scriptural principles relevantly within our own cultures. Paul even advised, “Obey the higher powers,” meaning that we should act within our society’s structure as long as it doesn’t conflict with God’s will.

For instance, in my culture today, certain customs—like a man asking the bride’s family for her hand in marriage—might be traditions we respect to honour family and cultural expectations. However, rejecting everything cultural simply because it’s not directly in scripture would be unnecessary and extreme. Christians aren’t called to be outcasts within their own cultures but to engage respectfully and wisely, finding ways to conform as long as it doesn’t contradict God’s commands.

This brings us to the issue of women’s roles in the church. Can a woman speak in church today? Yes. Can a woman ask questions? Absolutely. Does she need to wait until she’s at home to share her thoughts, as suggested in some scriptural contexts? No, because our culture does not restrict women in this way. We are in a different context now, and within today’s church, everyone should feel welcome and free to contribute, ask questions, and actively participate in what God is doing.

So, to answer your question about the role of women in the church: In Christ, there is no male or female in terms of worth or access to God’s grace and gifts. Both men and women are to be active participants, freely contributing to the church community, as equals in Christ.

In terms of gender roles, just as there are specific roles within marriage—with the husband as the head and the wife supporting him—there is also a spiritual arrangement of responsibilities in the church. This arrangement is not about superiority but rather about reflecting God’s established order.

Within the church, men are called to mirror the leadership they exercise in their homes. This means that men are generally called to lead, and women are called to follow in support. Ideally, a church is led by a man, not because men are inherently superior, but to maintain the consistency between the structure of the home and the church, which can be viewed as an extended family.

This doesn’t mean that a woman cannot be a pastor or serve in various ministries, but for consistency, the pastoral role is traditionally occupied by men. In cases where women serve as pastors, it can sometimes lead to inconsistencies in modelling the intended order of spiritual leadership. For example, if a wife is the pastor and her husband is a church member, it could create an inversion of the dynamic seen in the home, where the husband is typically the spiritual leader. The issue here is less about ability and more about the divine order God has designed.

Pastoral responsibility involves more than just preaching—it involves authority and leadership. In this regard, both men and women must approach church leadership with humility, recognising that every role is an opportunity to serve rather than to dominate. Misusing this authority is a form of spiritual abuse, which underscores why the pastoral office carries such weight and why its occupants need to act with integrity and consistency.

Now, addressing the common question: What if a woman is more gifted in teaching or preaching than her male counterparts? Being a pastor is not primarily about having the most eloquent or knowledgeable person in front; it’s about shepherding, administrative guidance, and setting a spiritual example. A woman can have strong teaching abilities and contribute significantly to the church in those areas, yet it doesn’t necessarily make her suited to the pastoral role solely based on her gifting.

The pastoral office involves a broad spectrum of responsibilities, such as resource management, delegation, and exemplifying leadership within the congregation. A woman who is exceptionally gifted in teaching can still operate within a church setting under male pastoral leadership, sharing her gifts and contributing to the growth and edification of the church. In this way, she can fulfil her calling without disrupting the established order.

This mirrors marriage: a wife may be wiser, more educated, or wealthier than her husband. These qualities enable her to support her husband in executing family goals, but they do not change the God-given structure that he is the head of the home.

To summarise:

1. Church leadership should intentionally ensure that women are encouraged to fully express their spiritual gifts and contribute to the church’s growth.

2. Women should take personal accountability for their spiritual growth, sometimes advocating for their interests constructively, so their voices and contributions are valued.

3. Women should have the opportunity to exercise their gifts in alignment with the established order in the church, fulfilling their roles within the guidelines of scripture.

4. If a woman is gifted or talented, she should contribute those gifts within the church’s framework, working alongside male leadership to advance the church’s mission.