QSS - timeless formula for godly comms

QUICK to hear, SLOW to speak, SLOW to wrath...

Quick, Slow, Slow.

Years ago, I stumbled on this simple yet profound rule for godly communication. It’s not a mere tip for better relationships, nor a hack for smoother interactions; it is divine wisdom wrapped in brevity.

James, that rugged, no-nonsense apostle of practical faith, lays it down with the force of a hammer in James 1:19-20:

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Some folks treat Christianity like an abstract philosophy, as though it is merely a compilation of airy doctrines, detached from real life. But the Bible does not traffic in impractical theories. It is earthy. It is raw. It speaks where we live. The Bible is no idle book of old sayings; it is a deep well of wisdom, a treasury brimming with gold for those who would mine it.

Oh, let the poor rejoice! There is enough treasure in these pages to make the soul rich. Load your heart with these riches, and you will live lavishly on the goodness of God.

The beggar Lazarus may have been destitute in coin, but oh, he was wealthy in God! He was rich, not in pounds or dollars (or shekels of silver and gold in his day), but in an inheritance that could not be measured in earthly currency.

Drink deeply of the Word, and you will never thirst again. In you will well up a spring of life, a satisfaction beyond measure.

So it was, as I studied, that I discovered this threefold rule - QSS - the ultimate cheat sheet for a life of grace-filled, Christ-exalting communication. Let’s break it down and let its wisdom settle deep into our hearts.

James is no armchair theologian. He doesn’t deal in grand theological abstractions; he rolls up his sleeves and wades into the mud of daily life. Faith, for James, is not a quiet intellectual virtue - it is a force that moves, that breathes, that acts. Faith without works? That’s not faith at all - that is merely a corpse dressed in religious garments (James 2:26).

Apostle James would have no patience for those who quote Scripture while trampling people underfoot, or those who are theological giants but relational infants. And so, with all the weight of apostolic urgency, he lays down this principle:

if you would walk as Christ walked, watch your mouth.

Quick to hear

What does it mean to be "quick to hear"?

First, it means eagerness to truly listen - not just hearing words, but absorbing their meaning. It means being swift to give attention to others’ perspectives, not merely tolerating their speech but genuinely considering their point of view. It means having an open mind, not shutting people down before they’ve had the chance to explain themselves.

We see this principle reflected in Scripture’s approach to conflict resolution. When believers have a quarrel, there is a biblical chain of events: first a private conversation, then a discussion with two or three witnesses, and finally, if necessary, bringing it before the church. At every step, there is room for the other person to be heard, to clarify, to repent, and to be restored.

So, what is our attitude when we hear something about a brother or sister? Do we give them the benefit of the doubt and allow them to clear the air, or do we rush to judgment?

Being quick to listen also means not being so full of oneself that others feel unheard. It is not just about letting people talk; it is about making space for them to be valued. When we listen, do we merely hear, or do we acknowledge? Do we allow people to express their gifts, their abilities, their struggles, and their insights?

To be "quick to listen" is not just about hearing words. It’s about truly listening: giving space, valuing another’s voice, receiving wisdom with an open heart. It is the opposite of arrogance, which assumes it already knows everything. The wise are always listening, always learning:

"He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him." (Proverbs 18:13)

"In the multitude of counsellors there is safety." (Proverbs 11:14)

Listening well requires shutting up long enough to hear something new. It means not assuming the worst. And it is a profound act of love.

I once heard a story about a child who complained to his father, "You and Mum always let me speak, but you never really listen." Every time he shared his thoughts, his parents would pause, allow him to speak, and then resume their conversation as though he had never said a word. His contribution was often like a "comma" in the sentence of their dialogues.

Many of us do the same. We let people talk but never truly listen. Being quick to listen means engaging, valuing, and giving weight to others’ voices. Some leaders, for instance, allow people to speak but treat their words as mere formalities. They grant a hearing only as a gesture, never really intending to engage or respond meaningfully. It’s an illusion of inclusion, a form of passive indulgence that does not equate to genuine respect. But listening should not be a courtesy but a commitment. When we listen, we should do so with sincerity, prepared to weigh what is being said, and to change our stance if truth and wisdom demand it.

Slow to speak

Ah, how many disasters could be averted if people learned to pause before they speak! The Bible is full of warnings for the loose-lipped:

"Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? There is more hope of a fool than of him." (Proverbs 29:20)

"In the multitude of words there wanteth not sin: but he that refraineth his lips is wise." (Proverbs 10:19)

Being slow to speak doesn’t mean being sluggish in speech. It means speaking well. It means thinking before opening your mouth. It means ensuring your words build people (and things), rather than destroy. Words are powerful.

Take your time to ensure that your words serve a purpose: to build up, not tear down. Thoughtless speech leads to thoughtless harm, but careful words can heal, restore, strengthen, and guide. Scripture urges us to bless and not curse, to speak in a way that brings grace to the hearer. The person who responds too quickly is often responding from the heat of emotion rather than the clarity of wisdom. And let’s be honest - emotions, though real, are not always right. They are volatile, shifting with circumstance, easily swayed by fatigue, stress, and misunderstanding. Words spoken in haste often become words regretted in hindsight.

So before you blurt out that "clever comeback", before you unleash that verbal dagger - pause!!! Let your words be seasoned with grace. There’s a reason Scripture warns, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue" (Proverbs 18:21).

Being slow to speak also applies to decision-making. Scripture warns us, "Lay hands suddenly on no man" (1 Timothy 5:22). Rushed decisions, like rash words, often lead to regret.

Let patience have its perfect work.

Just as we should not rush to endorse or promote someone without careful discernment, we should not rush into judgments, declarations, or commitments without careful thought. Our words, once released, shape the world around us—for better or for worse. As Jesus said, 'The things that proceed out of a man, those are what defile him' (Mark 7:15).

Let patience have its perfect work.

Slow to wrath

The final command - "slow to wrath" - is the crown jewel of wisdom. Because here’s the hard truth: you cannot live the righteousness of God while being ruled by anger.

"For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God." (James 1:20)

Yes, there is such a thing as righteous anger. Jesus demonstrated that when He cleansed the temple. But let’s be honest: most of our anger isn’t righteous. It’s personal. It’s prideful. It’s self-centered. It’s the flesh demanding its rights.

But what does the Bible say?

"He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly." (Proverbs 14:29)

We must remember that anger is a fire. A controlled fire brings warmth, but an uncontrolled one burns homes to the ground. If you want to ruin your testimony, if you want to wreck relationships, if you want to sabotage your peace, then by all means, give in to anger. But if you want to walk in the righteousness of God, then surrender your wrath at the feet of Christ.

Living it out

QSS is not just a nice principle but is a roadmap to success. If applied, it will:

• Strengthen relationships – making you a person others trust and respect.

• Guard you from folly – keeping you from speaking rashly and regretting it later.

• Reflect Christ – demonstrating His patience, grace, and love in every conversation.

A life governed by QSS is a life of wisdom. It is a life that glorifies God and brings peace to those around you. It is a life that mirrors Christ, who, even when reviled, did not revile in return (1 Peter 2:23).

I'll leave you with this thought:

Do you realise there are more "slows" that "quicks" in this formula? In case you forget anything in this write up, remember that godliness is never about hastiness.

Take your time.

Shalom!